twistered fries.

MOVED.

2006-06-16T11:38:00.000+08:00

My new home at Tabulas. See ya there!

Mt. Everest conquerors

2006-05-20T11:30:00.000+08:00

Congratulations to Romi Garduce, Leo Oracion and Pastor Emata for making it to the Mt. Everest summit. This brings honor and pride to our beloved country and to all the Filipinos all over the world. Proud to be Pinoy!

STORY:

AND ROMI GARDUCE makes three.

The Philippines' most accomplished mountaineer has achieved his dream and added Mt. Everest to his cap of accomplishments, capping a banner week for Filipino climbers.

New Zealander Sir Edmund Hillary, who first reached the peak of Everest with Sherpa Tenzing Norgay on May 29, 1953, congratulated all three Filipinos for their feat.

"I have nothing but the greatest respect for the [Filipino] expedition, for the determination and the will to battle on and go to the summit," Hillary, now 87, said in an interview yesterday with GMA 7.

"My heartiest congratulations to Leo, Romi and Erwin for their success in getting to the top. Very good luck to them. They must have been strong and determined," he said.

Garduce, 37, made it to the top of the world's highest mountain at 11:20 a.m. Nepal time (1:20 p.m. Philippine time) yesterday with the aid of oxygen despite deteriorating weather on Everest's south side.

A deviant.

2006-05-12T01:32:00.000+08:00

Psychedelic Son Ye-Jin

Since naubusan na ako ng mapapanood na Korean movie, i'll end up taking Adobe Photoshop seriously. Psychedelic Son Ye-Jin was my first attempt of learning new things. Thanks rei for the help. More deviations to come!

Nobela

2006-04-26T04:09:00.000+08:00

by Join the Club

Ngumiti kahit na napipilitan
Kahit pa sinasadya
Mo akong masaktan paminsan-minsan
Bawat sandali na lang
Tulad mo ba akong nahihirapan
Lalo't naiisip ka
Di ko na kaya pa na kalimutan
Bawat sandali na lang

At aalis magbabalik
At uuliting sabihin
Na mahalin ka't sambitin
Kahit muling masaktan
Sa pag-alis
Ako'y magbabalik
At sana naman

Sa isang marikit na alaala'y
Pangitaing kay ganda
Sana nga'y pagbigyan
Na ng tadhana
Bawat sandali na lang
Sumabay sa biglang pagkabahala't
Lumabis ang pagtataka
Tunay na pagsintang di alintana
Bawat sandali na lang

At aalis magbabalik
At uuliting sabihin
Na mahalin ka't sambitin
Kahit muling masaktan
Sa pag-alis
Ako'y magbabalik
At sana naman

Ngumiti kahit na napipilitan
Kahit pa sinasadya
Mo akong masaktan paminsan-minsan
Bawat sandali na lang

At aalis magbabalik
At uuliting sabihin
Na mahalin ka't sambitin
Kahit muling masaktan
Sa pag-alis
Ako'y magbabalik
At sana naman

What dreams may come.

2006-04-19T01:56:00.000+08:00

When I was 7 years old, I was an average kid then, studying was the last thing I always do, instead, I play all day long or watch tv all night but I always wanted to become a superhero or an ass-kicking robot. I always thought Shaider was cool because he always beat the bad guys and have Annie at the same time. I recruited four of my classmates then to form our own version of Bioman. I was Green 2. I had the "Bionic Ears".

When I turned 14, I was an ordinary high schooler then, I try to study more often because my mother always told me that it was the best gift she can give, but I always wanted to become a vocalist of a band. I always thought that Eraserheads was the Beatles of the Philippines. I had my first girlfriend, she had always these asthma attacks everytime we fought over the phone about silly things, but despite of that, I always wanted to be a perfect boyfriend to her.

When I graduated highschool, things slowly became serious, as if its like you're on your own, choosing what school to go and what course to take and absolutely living life on your own. I ended up taking Computer Science in UP but I always wanted to take up Sociology or Psychology. I always thought that being a social worker was a very noble profession, helping those who were in need. My first girlfriend and I broke it off and went on our separate ways.

When I turned 19, I learned to love my course and gave up my dream of becoming a social worker. Eventhough I hate Math, I really studied hard to understand what my course had to offer. I started to dream of having my own software company and build a foundation for poor kids . I always had Bill Gates as my inspiration. At that time, I had my third girlfriend then, though some of my friends said that I was taking her for granted, I always wanted to be the perfect man for her.

When I got out of college, life was totally serious. I always asked myself which direction to go, which way should I take. I had my first job as a college instructor, I started helping my family in every way I could. Though my work was very fulfilling I always wanted to become a hardcore programmer. I always had Linus Torvalds as my inspiration. I started dreaming of inventing something for the Internet to get famous or filthy rich. My third girlfriend and I broke it off and finally realized that my friends were right. I took her for granted.

After three years, i came to a crossroad in my life. I started to think about my future. What will I become five or ten years from now. I quit my job and pursue the Linus Torvalds in me. I started thinking of things that will matter most. Helping my family, building a home, security, bussiness, such things.

Time passes by really fast. Dreaming of becoming Shaider to the point of having a family where you will spend the rest of your life, its hard to accept that we never feel contented with what we had or have, but the fact is, its true, its human nature. For me, there's nothing wrong about it. These dreams are the reason why we work so hard, why we love so much and whey we live life so much.

I never became Shaider nor Green 2. Never became a rockstar nor a social worker. I never became Bill Gates and maybe will never be Linus Torvalds. I never became the perfect boyfriend for her nor the perfect man for her. But does it really matter? No. What's important are the things you learned when you had those dreams. What's important are the things you did to realize your dreams. Our dreams define us one way or another. Even if we fail, we should't stop dreaming.

Don't accept life as it is, do something.

Updates chuva.

2006-04-05T23:16:00.000+08:00

Its been a while since my last post. My last post was all about rainbows and i even collected different versions of the song "Somewhere over the rainbow".

Right now, i have 13 versions to be exact. There's a version of Jewel, Faith Hill, Ray Charles, Patti LaBelle and even Jimi Hendrix (instrumental only).

Anyway, been very busy with work these past few weeks. Kinakarir ko na ngayon ang work ko, hehe. It was like im preparing for something big. I have this thought since the beginning of the year that i really wanted to happen.

Since holy week is just around the corner, i started itching to get away from work. Sana September na agad para Camiguin na. That's the only real getaway as of now because my two trips will never gonna happen. One of my friends invited us (eLBizens) to spend holy week in Marinduque, i decided not to go because i really wanted to be with my family this holy week. Second, my cousin May will be getting married this July and my uncle asked me to attend the wedding in Canada. The intial plan was 2007 and i promised my cousin to attend. Dahil atat na siyang magpakasal eh mi-nove nila this year, paano pa ako makakapag-save? Asaness.

We had our company outing last week at Sandbar in Puerto Galera. The place was not as beautiful as Bora but im really glad that i enjoyed the 3 day vacation. And we had our initiation for our new department-mates, a sort of a welcome party for them. I headed the initiation commitee since i was part of the group that was initiated last year. Time for revenge, ika nga. The initiation was so funny, seeing them doing things you can't imagine they can. Then there's always this inuman session slash videoke every night. Anakngtokwa, dalawang araw akong lasing.

So far, wala pa namang exciting na nangyayari sa buhay ko ngayon. Stagnant but surreal.

There's this quote stucked to my mind when i watched the movie "Ice Princess", "Big things happen to those who dream big."

Over the rainbow

2006-03-14T02:07:00.000+08:00

I promised that my next post will not be all about ranting and I'm keeping it.

It all started when i saw this Korean movie, "Over the rainbow", and from then on, the song played over and over again in my head. The movie was about a man who had an accident and partially lost his memory. Before the accident, he was deeply in love with this girl back in college and kept it until he decided to tell her on that tragic night. The only thing that was left with him was a picture of the girl whom he didn't remember and a note on the back saying over the rainbow. He searched all his college friends just to ask them if they knew the girl on the picture. And he came accross his bestfriend's ex-girlfriend and asked for her help. All their attempts lead to one girl to another but they failed and finally, when they got closer of finding the girl, somewhere in between, they fell in love and he decided not to meet the girl. But his best friend's ex told him to still meet her because she was the love of his life. And surprisingly, it was her.

Sucker for happy endings, eh?

I have 4 versions of this song and still finding more. The original, by Judy Garland from the 1939 motion picture "The Wizard of Oz", Israel Kamakawiwo Ole's version, the ending song from the movie "50 First Dates", a punk rendition of the band Me First and the Gimmie Gimmies and lastly the soulful version of the late Eva Cassidy, my favorite.

I'm addicted to this song and i really don't know why. Maybe this song offers hope to those people who have lost their faith for what they believe in. This is the first song I usually listen to before I start working. Somewhere in this song made me realize that we shouldn't stop from doing things that bring true happiness to our lives, that we should stand up gracefully every time we fall and most of all, even life doesn't treat us well, we should live every second of it with utmost passion.

When there are times in your life that you feel down and helpless, listen to this song and maybe you'll find some answers. It worked for me and maybe for you, it will.

Life may offer bumpy roads all the time, but it'll make the ride worthwhile.

It can't rain all the time

2006-03-07T15:40:00.000+08:00

Haay. I'm not feeling well today, i wanted to go home and rest but i can't because i have to meet all the deadlines of the projects i'm handling.

I'm really tired and I can't figure out what is going on. Don't want to feel this anymore.

*****

As you can see, i have a new layout. The layout was supposed to be for someone kaso hindi naman niya nagamit. Sayang naman diba?

Why the title? "It can't rain all the time", one of my favorite songs of all time. It was by Jane Sibbery and the song was included in the soundtrack of the movie "The Crow". And just in case i'll pass away, i'll make sure that this will be played until my last moment here. I chose this title because it means so many things and i can completely relate to it. Reality is, there are things in life that you can't have. Please don't get me wrong, i am really contented and thankful with what i have right now in my life. I have a rewarding job, great friends and a very loving and supportive family, but still there's a part of me searching for something or maybe for someone. And the fact that im doing this for so long now, it hurts. And it slowly kills my enthusiasm to believe that every person will have someone, given the right place and time.

Im always telling myself what my dear Tita told me, "Hindi sa lahat ng pagakakataon, hijo..."

Pasensiya na kung medyo, nag-rarant ako, promise, the next post will not be as serious as this. Ano kaya ang meron sa taong happy? Enervon!

*****

One good thing to look forward to: our Camiguin trip in September!

Tidbits

2006-03-01T14:11:00.000+08:00

Muntinlupa day.

Yahoo! Walang pasok ngayon, nagka-holiday din sa wakas. Pero andito ako sa office at nag cecelebrate ng Muntinlupa day. =(

*****

Shooting star

Last night, we had our continuation of our gimik at Cito's apartment. Star gazing kami to the highest level kasi andun kami sa rooftop ng apartment nila, and and nakakita kami ng shooting star. 'Stig, sobrang ganda tapos medyo matagal siya ha... Mga 3 hours siguro este 3 seconds pala. Nagulat ako kasi napasigaw si Les ng "Shooting starrrrr!"

How many special people change? How many lives are living strange? Where were you while we're getting high?

2006-02-27T15:12:00.000+08:00

Why the title? Because this Oasis' hit was the highlight of our mini "getaway from the real world slash drinking marathon slash singing videoke 'til the wee hours of the morning" escapade last Friday night in a resort in Pansol.

Though the gimik was not planned that well I can safely say that the gimik was not that bad. 'Ndi ba Les?

Gil, Rina, Les and I left the office past 6 in the afternoon to buy food and drinks (see: alcoholic beverages). We arrived at the place at around 9pm and i immediately started preparing the food for dinner. (FYI, i really love preparing food and to cook). I volunteered to grill the bbq's, hotdogs and tilapia for the pulutan. After the hearty dinner, the inuman and videoke session came. Grabe, ang saya-saya. Para kaming mga nakatakas sa mental nung mga sandaling iyon. Halos lahat ng kanta ay puro "sabayang pag-awit". Tapos swimming after everytime magpapababa ng amats, sarap sa pakiramdam ng tubig kasi ang init. Ang hindi ko lang lubos maisip eh bakit kahit amats ka na eh nakukuha pa rin nating mag-smile at mag-pose 'pag picture taking na... Hahaha.

Hindi na ako nakatulog nun, kasi mga 5 na ng umaga kami umahon sa pool, tapos nagsimula na kami mag-prepare ng breakfast ni Cito.

Hindi na ako bumalik ng Alabang, umuwi na ako sa amin, medyo na excite ako kasi first time ko ulit na dadaan sa Calamba pauwi, lagi kasing sa Sto.Tomas 'pag galing akong trabaho. Ang sarap ng tulog ko nun sa jeep. Katabi ko yung driver, nagbayad na agad ako para masarap ang tulog, nakadagdag pa yung sikat ng araw at malamig na hangin, tapos bigla na lang akong nagising kasi kinakalabit na niya ako at sabay sabing "Tutoy, San Pablo'y na...". Haaayy..

Umuwi ako ng walang boses, masakit ang ulo at katawan at may hang-over. Pero masaya. Maraming sikeretong nabunyag, pero 'ndi ko sasabihin. Narealize ko na kahit konti lang kayo basta't pare-pareho kayong may gapak sa utak eh ayos na. Caucasian! Caucasian!

Someday you'll find me, caught beneath the landslide in a champagne supernova in the sky.

One week of natural high

2006-02-16T13:13:00.000+08:00

Waaah! I'm back. We arrived here in Manila last Tuesday, but now's the only time to post something because i had to get rid of a huge hang-over from my vacation.

*****

My four day vacation was definitely climbing the chart of my unforgettable experiences.

alvin + brenda + ivah + eve + osang + ria + me + manong rod + angry van drivers + grilled seafoods + pizza + crepe + shake + sand + beautiful beach + snorkeling + non-stop laugh trip + every night gimik + billiards + strong ice + coffee in the morning + Kodak moments + unusual "dates" + corny jokes + peace of mind = one hell of an experience

*****

Before we left last Saturday for Bora, we attended UNO's 100 Sexiest Girls Party at the Rockwell Tent. I'm a little bit disappointed because Amanda Griffin didn't attend the party. Im dying to see that lady. :( But, seeing pretty girls and beautiful ladies (Nicole Hernandez, Nancy Castiglione, Bubbles Paraiso, Kristine Hermosa, Anne Curtis, Joey Mead, Phoemela Barranda, Michelle Quizon, Drinie Aguilar, Kat Alano and many more) in one night made up for Ms. Griffin's absence and we had the chance to talk to Joey Mead. Whew! Joey Mead.

*****

Last Feb 14, i didn't expected to celebrate the first two hours of Valentines with someone over a can of Strong ice and a stick of inihaw na chorizo, talking about everything under the moon and sitting in front of the sea. Whatta Kodak moment.

*****

And my list of good things didn't end there, when i came back at the office yesterday to face reality, i got a big surprise. Well, i really like to put my feelings and emotions to words. Last year, i submitted this article entitled "Kinse Minutos" to peyups.com. It was published last Valentine's day. A first time for me!

*****

Feb fair, here i come. Yahoo!

Sad but true.

2006-02-11T11:40:00.000+08:00

Last night, i came to realize that we can choose whom to like or to love but we can NEVER choose the people who will like, love, notice us or be insterested in us in return.

*****
Folks, ill be missing in action for a few days. After some long talks, my boss finally approved my leave. Im really looking forward to this. Enough time to rest and enjoy.

See yah! Advance happy birthday russia! And advance happy hearts' day.

The quest for that falling star

2006-01-28T02:45:00.000+08:00

There's a lot of things that's been going on in my head for the past few weeks. And i can barely sort the things i really wanted to do. The things i know that will make me happy.

To those people who know the real me, they'll be surprised that i'm doing this, holding back, even though they trust my judgement and decision making capabilites and know that i can face anything but, sorry, if i disappointed and failed you. Im not gonna fail. Not this time.

I really wanted to share you something. About someone to be exact. There's this girl. Im not sure if she knew that im existing or i existed, and to be honest i don't know her much, but i like her. And i don't have the slightest clue that she will feel the same way, but what the heck. I know people have their own reasons to like someone or even love somebody, i too, have my own.

This girl is my falling star. Falling stars are so beautiful, we even wish on it when we saw one passing by our very eyes. The irony is, if we let them pass, we may never see it again. I really wish that i can catch my falling star and treasure it like it is the most important thing in my life.

Im not holding back and certainly not afraid, i am just watching the midnight sky, waiting for my falling star to lit up the horizon and to be taken away by the beauty it possess. Then ill go to sleep and chances are, i'll be dreaming of it and luckily i'll catch it to be with me forever.

*****
This is the result of too much staring at the sky. This is for you my falling star, even if i don't know where you are, we're just under the same sky.

Life

2006-01-24T12:40:00.000+08:00

Life is waiting for you, So messed up, but we're alive
Life is waiting for you, So messed up, but we'll survive

-Our Lady Peace, Life

We watched Little Manhattan last Friday with my officemates slash friends, Gilbert, Kris, Cito, Daryll, Kaye (Daryll's friend) and Les, and i didn't expected that this movie would be very funny and enlightening, 'ndi ba Les? Laugh trip, sobra. There were many times Les asked me, "Ganyan ba talaga kayong mga lalake?" And many times I answered, "'pag minsan". Sabay tawa. Hihi. Somehow, this movie taught me a thing or two regarding relationships with the opposite sex.

After the movie, we went to Cable Car for a drinking marathon. Joke! We just settled there to relax and unwind. I really needed that, after a week full of work, there's something a bottle of beer, a good company and music can do. Speaking of music, during our drinking spree, there's this song played and i can't barely remember what song was it. The song played over and over again in my head until yesterday when i heard Alvin (my office seatmate) playing that song. It's Our Lady Peace' Life.

*****

Tidbits:

Paalam Ka Ernie Baron. Kung walang knowledge, walang power.

On a happier note, congratulations to Manny "PacMan" Pacquiao for beating Erik "El Terrible" Morales in the 10th round of their rematch last Sunday. Proud to be Pinoy!

*****

Posible?

Posible bang magkagusto ang isang lalaki sa isang babae na hindi pa niya lubos na kakilala? At posible rin bang magustuhan siya nito?

Kapatiran

2006-01-17T14:45:00.000+08:00

Hazing is considered a heinous crime with death as penalty.

Nakakalungkot isipin na may isa na namang nasayang na buhay dahil sa hazing. Mas nakakalungot dahil sa minamahal kong UPLB ito nangyari.

Hindi ko alam kung ano ang patutunguhan ng entry kong ito kasi fratman din ako, parte din ako ng kulturang kapatiran at namulat din ako sa tradisyon. Mag sa-sampung taon na ng una akong pumasok ng frat, sa pagkakaalam ko ay wala pang Anti-Hazing Law nun. Masasabi ko na talamak ang hazing at mga rumble nung mga panahong iyon. Siguro suwerte lang ako at walang nangyaring masama sa akin, malamang hindi kakayanin ng pamilya ko kung may nangyari sa aking masama tapos sa ganon pang kadahilanan.

Napakalaki ng isyung ito, hindi lang mga fraternites, sororities at mga orgs ang damay dito kundi lahat ng tao na napapaloob sa UPLB, magmula sa pamunuan, mga guro at lahat ng estudyante may org man o wala. Ito na ang pinakamagandang panahon para baguhin ang tradisyon na napapaloob sa isang kapatiran, oo, parte ako ng tradisyon, dumaan din ako dito at maraming beses na ipinasa namin ito sa mga sumunod sa amin, pero kung ito lang ang tanging solusyon para matapos na ang karahasan kailangan na natin itong itigil. Mayroon pang ibang mga panukatan maliban sa hazing para mapatunayan ang determinasyon ng isang tao para makasali sa isang kapatiran. Hindi lang ito ang paraan.

Ang sama-sama ng loob ko dahil sana noon pa naiwasan ang mga ganitong problema. Hindi na sana nating hinintay na may magbuwis pa ng mga buhay para lang tayo mamulat. Hindi lang si Marlon Villanueva(+) ang nasayang ang buhay, kapag napatunayan na nagkasala ang mga gumawa nito, hindi ba masasayang din ang kanilang buhay sa napakawalang kwentang kadahilanan? Pero kailangang managot ang lahat ng mga may sala.

Lahat tayo damay. Lahat tayo ay may pananagutan. Ilang taon na akong wala sa UPLB, iba na ang aking buhay at mga prayoridad, pero sobra akong naapektuhan ng isyung ito.

Lahat tayo nanawagan para sa hustisya sa pagkamatay ni Marlon, pero ano ba talaga ang tunay na hustisya? Sana magsilbing napakalaking aral nito para sa ating lahat.

THIS SHOULD ALL STOP. Naturingan tayong mga ISKOLAR NG BAYAN, hindi tayo mangmang kaya huwag tayong magpaka-mangmang.

C2

2006-01-12T13:15:00.000+08:00

Eto ang aking NFF ngayon, New Found Friend 'ika nga. Bukod dun sa cowboy at kay Maxwell, siya na ang aking kasa-kasama tuwing breaktime. Madalas ako mag break, kahit hindi break, nagbre-break ako. Sa mga pagkakataong bumibigay na ang utak ko sa kaiisip ng solusyon sa mga projects na hawak ko, unti-unti na akong dinadala ng aking mga paa papuntang Star para makita siya at makapiling siya. Ewan ko ba kung anong meron siya, bakit ko siya hinahanap araw-araw.

Kung sabagay malaki rin naman ang naitulong niya sa akin. Siya ang nakakarinig ng mga binubulong ng isip ko. Kapag natutuwa ako lalo na kapag nalulungkot ako. Siya ang aking kapiling sa pagbuo ng mga solusyon sa aking problema, mapa seryoso man o hindi. Andyan siya palagi para samahan akong tumingin sa kalangitan at isipin kong saang direksyon ako dadalhin ng mga agos ng aking buhay. At higit sa lahat, siya ang pumapawi ng aking uhaw.

Bakit ko 'to naisulat?

Kababasa ko lang nung isang post ni russ, entitled "simple", sa post na yun, sinabi ni russ na simple pleasures make her happy, ako din maraming simpleng bagay ang nakakapagpasaya sa akin. Kung ipo-post ko dito lahat baka maging nobela na ito. Basta kakaibang feeling ang nararamdaman ko 'pag umiinom ako ng C2.

Umiinom ka ba ng C2? Anong flavor?

Which Endless am I?

2006-01-08T16:02:00.000+08:00

Got this quiz from freul's blog, wala pa kasi akong maipost eh. Hihi

Death, the second of The Endless, you are responsible for ending all lives and taking them to your realm, from which no one ever returns. You are bright, positive, happy, optimistic and enjoy everything about life, but that does not mean your silly or stupid. You can lay the smack down when you have to! Everyone loves you, and they don't know why.

Which Endless are you?

Numero uno.

2006-01-05T19:45:00.000+08:00

Yey! First post of the year. Medyo wala pa akong maikwekwento sa inyo, pero baka the next few weeks eh may magandang mangyayari. Sana. Ill keep you posted. Mag popost sana ako ng mga New Year's resolutions ko kaso hindi ko rin naman nagagawa at magagawa kaya huwag na lang. Dava?

Enjoy niyo bago kong layout! Yahoo!

The beginning is the end is the beginning

2005-12-27T14:29:00.000+08:00

This will be my last post, for this year. Twenty-o-five was one helluva rollercoaster ride. The year had its share of its own ups and downs. Still, im grateful for all the things happened with my life, family, work, relationships and with GOD. Tho' it include some painful expriences, i never regret anything. It even made me stronger and wiser. Experiences and how we react on it defines us. Its who we are.

After 365 and 1/4 days, do you want to know who i really am?

* 26 years young
* still single
* former college instructor, a computer programmer at present
* an improved dancer, actor and singer
* a struggling painter
* really good in cracking jokes
* a bad liar
* a social drinker, heavy smoker and caffeine addict
* a rockstar wannabe
* attempted x times to have serious relationships, but failed
* a loyal and trustworthy friend
* a good brother and son

Who are you now?

*****

2006 is fast approaching and it holds so many promises for you and me. Make it happen!

Thanks to all the regular visitors of my blog, you guys are the reason why i keep on writing.

Sana sa muli mong pagbisita ay isipin mo na lagi mo akong kasama sa pagharap mo ng bagong araw.

Napapakanta tuloy ako, "Basta't tayo'y magkasama, laging mayroong umagang kay ganda..."

MANIGONG BAGONG TAON!

Random.

2005-12-13T20:17:00.000+08:00

Masama pakiramdam ko ngayun, ewan ko kung bakit. Siguro gawa lang ng panahon. Nagstart na practice for our Christmas party. Katuwa kasi Japanese inspired ang party namin ngayon so from a hippie nung Musicfest namin magiging Samurai o Kabuki warrior naman ako this coming Dec. 20. Ang tagal ko pinagisipan kung anong costume ko, from a Yakuza to a Daimyo (landlord). Gusto ko kasi maiba... Astig sana yung Yakuza kaso wala akong makita shop na pwede magpa-bodypaint. Suggestion nga sa akin ni freul, Japanese schoolgirl daw. Ok sana kaso 'ndi kaya ng powers ko. Hihi.

Ok presentation namin ngayon kasi ako lead role (hehe), adaptation siya ng "The King and I". Sana manalo kami. Sana manalo din ako sa raffle at manalo ako ng isang TV at DVD. Hahaha

*****

Bukod sa pag-bloblog, ArtRage ang bago kong pinagkakaabalahan ngayon. Nagpa-paint ako gamit to 'pag nakatunganga ako sa office o 'pag wala na akong maisip na solusyon sa mga programs na ginagawa ko. Hindi ko alam na mayroon pala akong artistic side. Hihi Nakapost sa baba ang dalawa kong obra na ginawa ko using ArtRage. Wish ko na sana makapaggawa ako ng tulad nito sa totoong canvas.

Serene

Falling Star

*****

Malapit na Pasko. Ako, masaya ako 'pag Pasko, its a chance to renew your ties with God, with your family and friends. Sana may kayakap ako ngayong Pasko.

Ikaw? Anong wish mo ngayong Pasko?

Nativity.

2005-12-02T14:32:00.000+08:00

Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional. ~ Chili Davis

Shet, birthday ko na. Madadagdagan na naman ang aking edad ng isang taon. 25 + 1 = x. Hihi Marami akong mga bagay na ipinagpapasalamat at dapat ipagpasalamat.

Unang-una, gusto kong magpasalamat sa aking pamilya, sa aking ina at ama at sa aking dalawang ate, sa lahat ng mga bagay na inyong nagawa at sinakripisyo para sa atin. Hindi kasi ako masyadong magaling sa vocal expressions kaya 'ndi ninyo naring ang mga bagay na ito sa akin pero kayo ang pinakamahalaga sa aking buhay.

Pangalawa, sa aking mga tunay na kaibigan. Maraming salamat sa lahat.

Pangatlo, sa lahat ng mga taong hindi ko nabanggit na nakatulong at nakaimpluwensiya sa akin "in one way or another".

At higit sa lahat kay Lord God. Sana marami pang birthday na darating.

Kung gusto niyo akong mapasaya sa aking kaarawan, eto Birthday slash Christmas wishlist ko:
> 2nd hand car
> HP iPAQ rx3115
> iPod Mini
> Sony Vaio laptop
> Sony DSC T7 digicam
> Kenneth Cole perfume
> Puma / Pony rubbershoes
> World peace.

Parting ways

2005-11-26T16:21:00.000+08:00

At last, our musicfest was over. After 3 grueling months of rehearsing, it's over. Although it ended on a sad note (see: 'ndi kami nanalo), ok lang. Honestly, i've been performing since i was in high school, 'pag natatalo kami, talagang dinadamdam ko. I really hate disappointing myself, but last night was really different. Madali kong natanggap ang hindi namin pagkapanalo, kasi sa simula pa lang ng pagbuo ng aming musical, i already felt that we're winners.

Bakit?

I think that building a good working relationship with your co-actors, with the production team, the director, the choreographer and the voice coach was the reason. A first place trophy and a P200,000 cash prize will never replace or match all the wonderful things i experienced for the past 3 months. Sa hirap at saya, sa lungkot at ligaya, magkakasama kami. Im really thankful na naging parte ako ng "Once in dis Disco", it will be included in my list of unforgettable experiences. It gave me the opportunity to meet wonderful people and re-discover myself.

So paano na ngayon?

I am currently trying to bring my old life back, balik trabaho na naman. Armed with all the things i learned and experienced during our musical, i guess ill be just fine. Right now, im listening to POT's Yugyugan na (its our opening song), i can't keep myself from smiling.

Thank yous!

Kudos to our director, Herbs, our choreographer, Altin, our voice coach, Ma'am Ning. To our production team, Ma'am Joy, Ma'am Sia, Patrick (our scriptwriter), Melai and Sir Edmond. To the managers, for all the help and efforts in order for the team to win. Ms. Bing, Ms. Angie, Ms. Sheila, Ms. Amor, Ms. Iya, Ms. Hya, Brenn, Eugene, Clem, Sir Jay and to AMG and JTM.

Sa mga co-actors ko, Kristine, Rich, TJ, Russiene, Omar, Geruel, JhayR, Charm, Con, Nina, Jackie, Russel, Dennis, Ivy, Sky, Chai, Joanne, Melai, Ver, Bernadette, Sandy, Lawrence, Tufe, Denver at sa aming Pit Chorus.

Nalulungkot ako, hindi dahil sa hindi kami nanalo, kundi dahil tapos na ang Musicfest.

Magkikita pa tayong muli.

Remember, we're just under the same sky.

Rehearsal pics.

MusicFest Night.

Trash.

2005-11-03T15:13:00.000+08:00

Ever felt like trash? Ever felt that you was taken for granted? Thats what Im feeling right now. And it really makes me mad.

Do i really deserve it? I don't think so. After all the things that I've done, this is what i get? Im angry with myself for letting you do those things to me.

From now on, i won't let you.

Kwarto

2005-10-12T13:29:00.000+08:00

Maglilinis ako ng aking kwarto
Na punong-puno ng galit at damit
Mga bagay na hindi ko na kailangan
Nakaraang hindi na pwedeng pagpaliban

Mga liham ng nilihim kong pag-ibig
At litrato ng kahapong maligalig
Dahan-dahan kong inipon
Ngunit ngayo’y kailangan nang itapon

Di ko na kayang mabuhay sa kahapon
Kaya mula ngayon, mula ngayon

May jacket mong nabubulok sa sulok
Na inaalikabok na sa lungkot
May panyong ilang ulit nang niluhaan
Isang patak sa bawat beses na tayo’y nasaktan

Mula ngayon

Ala-ala ng lumuluhang kahapon
Dahan-dahan ko na ring kinakahon
Natagpuan ko na ang tunay kong ligaya
Lumabas ako ng kwarto’t naroon siya

Magpapaalam na sa ‘yo ang aking kwarto
Magpapaalam na sa ‘yo
Magpapaalam na sa ‘yo ang aking kwarto

*****
Bakit ka pa ba bumabalik? Ok na ako.

May mga bagay man akong nasabi siguro dala lang yun ng mga emosyong naipon sa loob ng dalawang taon. Siguro itinadhana ulit na tayo ay magtagpo hindi upang ipagpatuloy kung ano man ang nahinto noon ngunit para isara ang isang kabanata ng ating mga buhay. Ito lang ang hinihintay ko para makausad muli, biruin mo, dalawang taon. Pero hindi ako nagsisi sa panahong ako'y naghintay para mangyari ang ganitong pagkakataon. Ngayon pwede ko na ulit buksan ang aking puso, pero hindi sa'yo. Nung sinabi ko sa'yo na mahal pa rin kita, nagsinungaling ako. Ito ang unang beses na nagsabi ako ng isang bagay na hindi ko totoong nararamdaman. Alam ko mali yun. Siguro, na-miss lang kita ng sobra at lahat ng mga bagay na naramdaman ko nung tayo pa ay biglang bumalik ng muli tayong nagkita. Sana ipinaglaban mo ako noon, sana hindi mo ako hinayaang mawala. Hindi kita sinisi na hindi mo ginawa yun, pinilit kung intindihin lahat ng desisyon mo, kaya ako na lang ang lumayo. Wala akong sinisisi sa nangyari sa atin, inisip ko na lang na kailangan lang talaga mangyari yung mga bagay na yun.

Hindi ito naging madali para sa akin. May ilang linggo rin akong naguluhan, di ko alam kung ano ang gagawin ko. Ayaw kong magkunwari, ayaw kong magsabi ng mga bagay na hindi totoo, kung may nakakakilala sa akin ng lubos, ikaw yun. Alam mo na hindi ako ganung klaseng tao. Pinilit kong ibalik ang pagmamahal ko sa'yo, pero pagkatapos ng lahat, wala talaga. Wala na akong magagawa, wala ka nang magagawa. Alam ko may darating sa'yo na mas higit sa akin. Sorry talaga.

Magpapaalam na ako sa'yo.

When i turned 9

2005-09-29T20:03:00.000+08:00

Last night, my officemates watched "The Transporter 2", as usual, i wasn't able to come because of some unfinished work. I went home at around 9:30 and decided to watch "When i turned 9". Gilbert informed me about this Korean movie, and he said "Panoorin mo ito, ang ganda, napaiyak nga ako eh". Since all Korean movies that i watched never failed my expectations, so i opted to watch it.

Read the movie's review here.

*****

Gilbert was right. The story was simple yet heartwarming.

*****

After i saw the movie, i asked myself, why don't people live and love like children. I know its a silly question but come to think of it, if we do, im sure there'll be less complications and problems, just pure and innocent emotions.

Age doesn't really matter when you fall in love.

Bruised knee. Aching back.

2005-09-21T13:01:00.000+08:00

Last week, we started rehearsing for our Musicfest. The theme for this year is OPM-inspired musical. For our group, the script is well-written and revolves around the 70's era, so expect me to wear those funky clothes (bell-bottoms, big cool glasses, colorful shirts, the peace sign and etc..) that flourished those times. My part includes heavy dancing and a little bit of singing and acting. Dancing is really tiring. The steps were really complicated and "malandi" but somehow i managed to execute it properly. I'm not new to these things, in case you want to know, i've been involved with these things since high school.

I'll be doing a walk down the memory lane. Back in high school, we had this yearly competition in line with our foundation day. Every year had different themes, my first year was "katutubong sayaw", we did an Igorot dance and yes, nagbahag ako nun. (pero ok lang, bata pa naman ako nun eh). Second year was Asian dance. We performed a Brunei-inspired dance. Third year was Filipiniana. And lastly, on our fourth year, we did Les Miserbales. The good part was, we placed first, 3 times (1st, 3rd and 4th year).

Anyway, im really excited for our group and for the Musicfest. This will be my first time to perform again in nearly a decade and in front of 3000+ people inside the Folk Arts theater. Pray for us. I hope my bruised knee and aching back will pay off. Yugyugan na!

*****

I was missing in action for quite sometime now. I wasn't able to do my everyday ritual of visiting blogs, reading forums even posting new entries for my own blog. The reason was i upgraded my office PC from 98 to 2K. At last, my request was granted after 3 months of reasoning and explaining. Win2K is more stable than 98, has a good memory management and efficient file system. FYI, i averaged 5 reboots when i am using Win98. No more frequent crashes.

It's over.

2005-09-15T21:12:00.000+08:00

No. Its not what you think. I bet that the first thing that popped up in your head was I broke up with my girlfriend. Nah. I don't even have one. Poor me.

I was really intoxicated with my work these past 2 weeks. Aside from being third shift (10pm-6am), there was the occassional "almost 24 hours" in the office. Imagine, 2 Tuesdays ago, i went to work at around 9 in the morning and came home at 7:30 the following day. T.E.* thinks that I am a cyborg, a descendant of Astroboy and a distant relative of Optimus Prime. Im only human. Even dogs rest if they're tired. Its very hard to work when your thinking of soft pillows and a breezy afternoon.

Its not just the setting but the project itself was very tiring. In my opinion, the project was good for a 3 month timetable including planning, design, coding, testing and documentation but believe it or not, we did it in 2 weeks (documentation not included). Haay.. I always tell Barbie** na gamit na gamit ang katawan ko.. Hihi

Anyway, the project is almost complete. This one tested my skills, patience and perseverance. So far, i can say that i did good and really perform as a lead programmer. Right now, Im trying to get my old life back. Get to work at 9, go home at around 8 and play DSII all night. The midnight madness is over. I have to celebrate this coming Friday. Sama kayo?

*****

Blue Sky, one of my favorite Hale's song. Finally, I was able to hear it live when Hale performed at Padi's Point last September 7. They were good but not that good in live performances (based on my standards ha..). Mas gusto ko pa rin ang Mayonnaise. I'll post some pictures soon.

*****

Happy 2nd birthday Jillian! Tsaka na lang ang regalo ni Ninong, siguro iipunin ko na lang para sa debut mo. (kawawang inaanak.. tsk tsk)

* di pwede i reveal kung sino, baka mayari ako.. hihi

** one of my closest officemates. really good in singing "Barbie Girl" by Aqua. mas malakas na magyosi kaysa sa akin. Huwaw!

Moon Lover

2005-09-08T04:35:00.000+08:00

The moon is romantic, she makes me long for love.
I can feel it inside, churning, wanting to fly as free as a dove.
It swirls and grows stronger.
If only she were here, that I might suffer no longer.
I remember her embrace, love flowing with perfect grace.
If only she were here, that I might gaze upon her face.
I lie on the grass, holding my desire and reaching out with my heart.
The moon bathes me.
A gentle breeze picks up, tenderly caressing me.
I feel loved.
Thoughts of her slip from my mind.
All the strands of my heart that went out,
aimlessly searching, come home and embrace themselves.
They find themselves as the feathers of a wing.
Complete at last my heart soars free.
The moon is my lover, she fills me with joy

by: Gabe D. Hendricks

*****

Ganito pala ang epekto 'pag sobra ka sa kape at third shift pa.

Lovely day

2005-09-04T10:43:00.001+08:00

Its been a week since my last post. I can't think of any thoughts which can be worthy to share with my blog. As usual, the past week was full of work.

Right now, Im listening to Launchcast to get my writing groove going..

*****

Every week, I always look forward to Saturdays and Sundays, simply because that's the only time I can really rest my mind and body. Even if there are Saturday gimiks, i prefer to "pass", in order to go home. After a grueling 5 1/2 days of non-stop working, i usually spend my weekends watching TV, or DVDs, sleep, eat, and sometimes i go online to check e-mails and blogs, and most importantly, spending time with my family especially my inaanak, Jillian. What i like most about her is, she's so smart and so cute.

She can recite the alphabet and count 1 to 10 already, thinking that she's just 1 yr and 11 months old. She can learn so quickly. The last thing i taught her was the dance steps of "Instant Ayos", she's so good at it. I bet she'll be a good dancer and singer in the future, syempre "mana sa Ninong!".

Its fun to be with kids. Its like drawing the "child" in you. Its like therapy, you can feel that life for them is very easy. No problems, no complications. Sometimes, i wish that i can go back to my childhood days, just for a day, just to experience all the happy memories that i had.

*****

Last night, i stumbled upon one of my favorite movies of all time. The Crow is a typical "love conquers all" story but with a deep sense of love and life. It starred the late Brandon Lee. One of the things that made me watch this film again was a song entitled "It can't rain all the time" by Jane Siberry.

*****

Last Friday, was a weird one. My officemates and I usually go out every Friday on a gimik, but that night, I was stucked in the office finishing some webpages needed for an upcoming project. Then, my phone rang and I didn't expect that one of my old old friend was calling, after 2 years. She's in the area daw kaya naisip niya akong tawagan. Really now?! And she's asking me if we can meet at this place, grab some beers and catch up with each other's lives. Why not?!

Its really good to see you again!

*****

Bukas, Monday na naman, balik na ako sa aking alternate life...

Photographic interview

2005-08-29T19:13:00.000+08:00

do you know what a photographic interview means? if not, click here.

it wasn't easy, but its worth it. go and intoduce yourself to the world.

here's mine (got the idea to make it a collage from tin-tin).

Kinse Minutos

2005-08-26T14:58:00.000+08:00

Pagpatak ng alas siyete y medya, bumibigat na ang tibok ng puso ko. Tila lahat ng bagay sa paligid ay kumakaripas sa pagsabay sa paglipas ng oras. Nagmamadali, bumibilis. Pinipilit kong maunahan ang pagdating ng ala otso y medya. Alam kong sa ganitong oras ka dumarating. Pinipilit kong maunahan ang iyong pagdating, ang pagbukas mo ng pintuan at ang pagtingin mo sa iyong salamin.

Kapag pinapalad, andito ako sa isang lugar na di kalayuan kung asan ka. Tinitingnan at tinatanaw ang napakaganda mong mukha. Sabay nito ang pag higop ng kape at iniisip kung papansinin mo ba ako ‘pag tayo ay nagkasalubong. Tumitigil ang aking mundo, para akong isang bata na nakatanga sa isang estante na puno ng magagandang laruan. Para akong nakatitig sa paglubog ng araw, ninamnam ang bawat sandali na namamasdan ka. Sa loob ng kinse minutos, ganito ang buhay ko.

May ilang buwan na rin ang nakalipas ng tayo ay nagkakilala. Hindi tayo ganong ka-close, iba ang kaibigan mo at iba rin ang mga kaibigan ko. Pero tinamaan ako, love at first sight ika nga ng iba. Walang may alam nito, ako lang. Kinimkim ko ito sa sarili ko. May mga ilang pagkakataong nagkakausap tayo, pero hindi tungkol sa nararamdaman ko kundi sa trabaho, may mga ilang beses na rin kitang napatawa gamit ang mga luma kong jokes pero okay pa rin, masaya ako ‘pag nakikita kitang nakatawa. Kontento na ako dun.

Alam kong hindi sapat ‘yun para magustuhan mo ako, ni hindi mo nga alam na may gusto ako sa’yo. Habang tumatagal, lalong lumalalim ang nararamdaman ko sa’yo. Mahal na kita. Ngayon naniniwala na ako na pwede palang turuan ang puso. Pero wala akong ginawa, natakot ako, marami akong ginawang dahilan para pigilan ang pag-ibig ko sayo. Inaamin ko naduwag ako.

Nalaman ko na lang, sinagot mo na pala yung isang nanliligaw sa’yo. Nadurog ang aking puso, ngayon nagsisi ako na sana man lang nagparamdam ako ng aking pag-ibig. Pero huli na ang lahat.

Ilang araw na lang malapit na ang araw ng mga puso, sa aking pagbibilang, eto na ata ang ikatlo kong taon na mag-va-valentine na mag isa. Ngayon, kapag binabalikan ko ang mga pangyayaring iyon, lahat ng aking pangungusap ay nasisimulan ng sana.

Sana nasabi ko sa’yo. Sana ako ang minahal mo. Sana masaya tayo ngayon. Sana mas mapapatawa kita. Sana mas aalagaan kita, mas mahahalin kita at mas iingatan kita.
Sana. Napakasarap ibahagi ang iyong buhay sa taong mahal mo at alam mong mahal ka.

Hanggang ngayon, inuunahan ko pa rin ang iyong pagdating, ang pagbukas mo ng pintuan at pagtingin mo sa iyong salamin. Sa loob ng kinse minutos.

#########################################
A re-post galing sa luma kong blog, February ko to ni-post, kasi nagsesenti ako nun kasi malapit na ang V-day tapos mag-isa lang ako mag-cecelebrate. Ngayun, mag-isa pa rin ako, pero kahit papaano kuntento ako kung anong meron ako. Haaayy... That's life.

Untitled part 1

2005-08-23T20:31:00.000+08:00

wala akong maisip kung ano ipo-post ko. stagnant buhay ko this past week. trabaho-bahay mode ako. maliban na lang sa mangilan-ngilang bagay/pangyayari na ako'y napapangiti at napapabilis ang tibok ng puso ko.

* last thursday, dumalaw ulit ako ng eLBi. pucha, sobrang saya. na-meet ko na at last sina baddie, freul, tang, frostee, oboy, ice_princess, weeeee, at musicjunkie (di nila tunay na pangalan yan. hihi), mga forumers ng elbi.tk. agaps-isis-ic's-apec ang route namin nun. umaga na ako nakauwi. pero solb!

* at last, forum moderator na ako ng elbi.tk. yiheee!

* nung saturday, na bad trip ako kay mike enriquez at dun sa episode ng imbestigador na "bayang dugyot". mantakin mo naman, nakain ka ng masarap mong dinner tapos ganun yung mapapanood mo. f**k!

* meron akong isang game na kinababaliwan ngayon. Dungeon Siege 2. inaabot kami ng housemate ko ng madaling-araw sa paglalaro.

* natapos ko season 1 ng Lost (episode 1 - 26) sa loob ng isa't kalahating linggo. marathon na ire! mahal ko na si kate (evangeline lilly)! hihi. at excited na ako sa season 2 nila sa sept. 29. smallville, magsisimula na rin season 5 niya sa sept. 21.

* pumasa din pala ako sa audition sa musicfest ng company namin. sa dinadami ng pwede kong paglagyan eh sa dancing pa ako nilagay. helow?!

eto na lang muna. tsaka na yung may sense na post. boring buhay ko ngayon. mayroon akong hinihintay, sana mangyari. be patient.

An ode to darkness

2005-08-20T15:23:00.000+08:00

As I wander in the world of darkness
I grasp for something that I can hold on to
I search for something where I can run to
The light was long been forgotten
No one can be saved from the sadness that's eating my soul
Happiness was buried in a deep slumber of pain and discontent
Maybe there's something can answer all the questions in me
Maybe there is, maybe none
As I started to walk away
I can't feel the tears rushing down from my eyes
I can't even feel a thingI started to think
Maybe I'm not alive at all
As I walk towards nothing
I looked above and laugh
What a relief! I saw the sky
But, it started to disappear
I mumbled. Wait. Don't leave me
Maybe all the things here are momentary
Rain started to fall
I uttered, Wait. Don't leave me
Maybe all the things here are temporary
I should enjoy this moment
The rain starts washing the pain that runs through me
Total darkness
The rain is gone, the sky is gone too
Darkness starts to form a body
It walks towards me
It is you that I've been waiting for
It is you who can answer all my questions

##############################
Di ko alam kung kelan ko sinulat to, pero tanda ko brownout nun. Hihi

One good day coming up...

2005-08-17T11:28:00.000+08:00

haay..salamat naman at medyo ok na ako ngayun, sa tulong ng mga paracetamol, mefenamic acid at antibiotic na 3x a day, daig ko pa ang nakadroga o nakahihithit ng halamang talampunay. for the past 4 days eh para akong lantang gulay. sabi na nga ba, magkakasakit ako, pagkagaling ko ng eLBi last week (thursday), eto na, nararamdaman ko na. ikaw ba naman ang magpakalunod sa alak sa sobrang saya hanggang madaling araw with matching overtime sa office ng friday at saturday, sino ba namang katawan ang hindi susuko dun. hindi nga rin ako nakapasok ng monday, pero nung tuesday eh pinilit kong pumasok dahil nami-miss na ako ng boss ko (hihi!, dami na daw nakatambak na revisions), pero wala rin akong masyadong nagawa, tumitig lang ako sa monitor ng PC ko o di kaya sa kisame.

pero ngayun ok na ako (sana), kaya nga ngayon lang ulit ako nakapag-post ng bagong entry kasi nagsisimula ng mawala ang epekto ng mga gamot na iniinom ko. im ready to move on. past is past!

(habang humihigop ng kape, umiindak ako sa tugtog na ito...)

sun is up, i've got so many things to do
but it's alright (it's ok) i have to taste it
it's gonna be a good day (be a good day)

wake up (wake up) it's a beautiful morning
get up (get up) cheer the sunshine near ya
wake up (wake up) it's just beautiful
one good day coming up!

Los Baños

2005-08-12T17:02:00.000+08:00

Kung meron man akong isang lugar na babalik-balikan, Los Baños yun. Sa tingin ko nga kulang pa ang limang taon para ma-experience lahat ng bagay na meron ang eLBi, pero 'pag minsan kinakailangan mo ng ituloy ang iyong paglalakbay at harapin ang tunay na hamon ng mundo. Napakahirap iwanan ng eLBi, lalo na ang lahat ng tao at bagay na nakapaloob dito.

Napakaraming bagay ang aking natutunan dito.

Sa eLBi ko lubusang naunawaan na ang edukasyon ay hindi lang sa apat na sulok ng silid-aralan mo makukuha. Mas marami kang makukuha sa pakikisalamuha sa iba't-ibang uri ng tao, magmula sa mayaman hanggang sa mahirap, sa anak ng pulitiko hanggang sa anak ng magsasaka, sa mga estudyanteng sobrang talino hanggang sa mga estudyanteng napakatamad mag-aral, babae, lalake, tomboy, bakla, mayroon silang kanya-kanyang istoryang baon at kanya-kanyang karakter na mapupulutan mo ng aral, masama man o mabuti. Ngayon, alam ko na na ang edukasyon ay para sa utak at ang pakikisalamuha sa tao ay para sa puso. Sa eLBi ko natutunan 'yan.

Sa eLBi ko natagpuan ang aking sarili. Dito walang pakialamanan kung paano ka kumilos, paano ka magsalita, paano ka manamit at paano mo papatakbuhin ang sarili mong buhay. Ang lubos na kalayaan ng sarili, hindi lang pang-akademiko, kundi kasama na rin ang spiritwal at sosyal na aspeto ng buhay. Dito ako nakapasok ng hindi naliligo, hindi nagsisipilyo, naka tsinelas at sando lang, ang mag-exam ng walang alam, pumasok sa klase na amoy alak pa, walang notebook at ballpen, ang dala lang ay 5 piso sa bulsa para sa pamasahe at yosi.

Sa eLBi ko naranasan ang tunay na kahulugan ng kaibigan at kapatiran. Dito ako nakakakilala ng mga taong maituturing kong tunay na kapatid. Sa lungkot at ligaya, sa hirap at sarap, sa lahat ng mga gabing walang humpay na inuman at kantahan, sa lahat ng tanghalian na kahit Pancit Canton lang ang ulam, basta sama-sama, ayos na.

Sa eLBI ko natutunang mamuhay ng simple, na hindi mo na kailangan na ano pa mang mararangyang bagay para maging masaya. Ang kailangan mo lang ay isang sala, gin, pomelo, gitara, sky flakes at tuna, solb na. Kapag ayos na konting swimming lang para mahulasan. Napakabagal ng ikot ng mundo kapag nasa eLBi ka, umupo ka lang sa ilalim ng isang puno at maramramdaman mo ang kapayapaan sa iyong sarili. Ang saya diba?

Sa eLBi ko natutunang ipaglaban ang aking karapatan bilang isang estudyante at isang mamayang Pilipino. Dito namulat ang aking mga mata sa tunay na krisis ng lipunan at ng bansa. Dito ako nagsimulang makialam sa mga isyu na bumabalot sa ating lipunan.

Sa eLBi ko nakilala ang mga babaeng nakapag-patibok ng aking puso at nakasakit dito. Ano man ang kinahantungan namin, ituturing ko pa rin sila na mahalagang bahagi ng aking pagkatao. Dito ko nagawa ang mga bagay na ni minsan ay hindi ko naisip na kaya ko palang gawin ang mga yun.

Sa eLBi ko binuo ang aking mga pangarap. Kung ano man ang estado ko ngayon, halos lahat utang ko sa kanya. Pagkalipas ng dalawang taon, kagabi bumalik ako ng eLBi. Lahat ng bagay at tao na napakaloob dito ay biglang nagsibalikan sa aking ala-ala. Alam ko sa paglipas ng panahon hanggang sa oras na mawawala ako sa mundong ito, mananatili sila sa puso ko.

Ika nga sa kanta ng Sugarfree na Los Baños,

But it's always you I run home to,
Take me back, take me home away from here back to where
I am free

Life in Mono

2005-08-10T19:12:00.000+08:00

patapos na naman ang isang araw. hindi ko namamalayan gabi na pala. kailangan ng isara ang isang araw ng aking buhay para mabigyan ng pagkakataong harapin ang isang bagong umaga.

may ilang buwan na rin akong nag blo-blog at ngayon ko lang napagtanto na adik na pala ako dito. ito ang aking nagiging outlet kapag ako ay masaya, kapag ako ay nalulungkot, kapag ako ay nasasaktan, lalung lalo na kapag ako ay umiiyak. marami rin akong napupulot na aral sa pagbabasa ng mga blog ng iba. parang nakikilala mo na rin sila ng lubusan sa pamamagitan ng mga salitang ibinibahagi nila sa kanilang blog. ika nga ng iba, "the word that comes out from your mouth reflects who you are". (may koneksyon ba?)

malungkot ako, 'pag malungkot sila. masaya ako, 'pag masaya sila.

ngayon, malungkot ako. dahil sa isang istorya na nabasa ko kanina.

kung pwede mo lang sana na piliin ang taong magmamahal sa'yo, sana wala ng mga taong nalulungkot at masasaktan. kaso hindi ganito umikot ang mundo. kung puwede ko lang sana na bawasan ang kalungkutan mo, gagawin ko, para makita kang nakangiti. mahirap talaga, ganyan talaga. naniniwala kasi ako na lahat ng bagay nangyayari sa walang kadahilanan, nangyayari sila dahil mangyayari sila. lalo lang kasi nating pahihirapan ang ating mga sarili kung mag iisip tayo ng napakaraming rason kung bakit tayo nagkakaganito. matatapos din yan, maniwala ka sa akin.

malungkot din ang buhay ko. naiintindihan kita. pero hindi ako nawawalan ng pananalig na malalampasan ko 'to. alam ko na darating din ang araw na magiging masaya ako at babalikan ko ang araw na ito na humubog kung ano man ako sa darating na araw. sana ganito ka din.

para sa'yo 'to.

Tagged (unang kabanata)

2005-08-09T19:19:00.000+08:00

I've been tagged by tin. i don't usually answer them, but this time ill make an exception. Nakakahiya naman kay tin.

Here it goes:
Seven things that scare you:
1) death
2) loss of someone i love
3) rejection
4) cockroaches, dogs
5) fast cars
6) small spaces
7) horror movies (?)

Seven things that you like the most:
1) coffee
2) sunsets
3) walking
4) beaches
5) staring at the ceiling
6) blogging
7) tokwa at repolyo

Seven important things in your room:
1) pc
2) clothes
3) ash tray
4) lighter
5) cds and dvds
6) books
7) water

Seven random facts about you:
1) I really like broadway music (esp. Les Miserables, Phantom of the Opera)
2) Pol Medina Jr. and my ENG 10 instructor are my real life heroes.
3) I can listen to the same song over and over again for hours.
4) I read everything that is readable, from medicine labels to leaflets given inside a mall.
5) I'm good at cracking jokes.
6) I always sit on the driver side of the bus.
7) I achieved the highest rank given to a Boy Scout. (Laging handa!)

Seven things you plan to do before you die:
1) have a good family.
2) to be included in a music video of Aerosmith or Korn
3) watch a live NBA Game
4) have a butterfly farm
5) go to space
6) have my own house like the the one in Full House
7) meet Kristin Kruek or Song Hye Gyo or Bianca Araneta in person

Seven things you can do:
1) compose a good song or poem when im in the mood or expired, este inspired pala
2) type without looking at the keyboard (5 wpm hehe)
3) cook anything from simple prito to pochero
4) last a day without a cellphone
5) sing while dancing (free of charge! hehe)
6) revise an application/program in 5 minutes
7) watch 4 movies straight in one sitting

Seven things you can't do:
1) control my smoking
2) make a knot out of a cherry stem using my tongue, i can't definitely do this.
3) bring myself to exercise as much as I wanted to. this one too.
4) sleep without my favorite unan
5) watch horror movies alone
6) resist falling in love
7) last a day without checking my email and blog

Seven things that attract you to the opposite sex:
1) simple
2) beautiful eyes
3) smart
4) good in singing
5) nice neck and feet
6) a great sense of humor
7) sensible

Seven things you say the most:
1) Ah hello, pwede po kay Judy?, sa LAN4.
2) anak ng patola..
3) u there?
4) badtrip amp.
5) sadness..
6) yey!
7) oki dok.

Seven celeb crushes (whether local or foreign):
1) Kristin Kreuk
2) Kim Smith
3) Diane Lane
4) Bea Alonzo
5) Bianca Araneta
6) Song Hye Gyo
7) Lindsay Lohan

Seven people you want to see to take this quiz:
1) Sarah
2) Russ
3) Fiona
4) Leslie
5) Jeanny
6) Baddie
7) Gilbert

Family values

2005-08-08T13:02:00.000+08:00

Last week na ng November, excited na ako. Next week birthday ko na., bibigay na ang 13th month pay namin, i-increase na ang sweldo ko. At ilang linggo na lang, pasko na. Ang saya. Sobrang saya. Biglang nag-ring cellphone ko.

“Hello?” “O, ate, bakit ka napatawag?” kako.

“Si Mama.”

“Bakit, anong nangyari kay mama?”.

“May nakapang bukol sa breast niya.”

“Ha? Kailangan nating ipa-check up yan o ipa-mammogram.”

Bigla akong kinabahan, lahat ng excitement ko napalitan ng takot at kaba. Gusto kong umiyak, pero pinigilan ko na lang. Napakabilis ng pangyayari. Dumating na lang ang isang araw, natagpuan ko ang sarili ko, nasa labas ako ng operating room, katabi ko ang aking dalawang kapatid. Nagbabantay, naghihintay. Inooperahan na ang nanay ko ng sandaling yon. Ayon na siguro ang pinakamahabang araw ng buhay ko. Ang hirap. Lahat na ng klaseng dasal, nadasal ko na. Lahat na ng santo, natawag ko na.

Paglabas ng doktor, kinausap niya kami. May breast cancer ang nanay niyo. Tinanggal na naming yung isang breast niya para di na kumalat. Kailangan siyang i-chemo. Paulit-ulit ang mga salitang ‘to sa sarili ko. Hindi ko na napigilang umiyak. Tanong ako ng tanong, bakit siya pa? Pwede namang iba, pero bakit siya pa. Diyos ko, ang dami na niyang napagdaanan pero bakit kailangan pang mangyari yun.

Siguro may mga bagay na dapat mangyari, mahirap mang tanggapin wala tayong magagawa. Napakarami kong tanong, pero parang wala akong nahahanap na sagot. Sobra akong naging emosyonal, humagulhol ako na parang bata. Gusto kong magwala, gusto kong tumakbo, gusto kong sumigaw. Mana ako sa nanay ko, sobrang emosyonal, iyakin, o siguro nasobrahan lang sa kakapanood ng Maalaala mo kaya.

Kinausap ako ng ate ko, tinanong niya ko kung okay lang ba ako. Siyempre hindi. Masaya kami bago mangyari ito. Kahit broken family kami, nakakagawa kami ng paraan para maging masaya ang pamilya namin. Basta sama-sama, nagbibigayan at nagmamahalan. “Malalampasan din natin ito.” Yun na lang ang nasabi niya sa akin. Mula ng araw na yon, di na ako makatulog. Isip ako ng isip. Umiiyak ako gabi-gabi. Patuloy pa rin ang mga tanong ko. Di ko pa rin matanggap. Pinapaniwala ko lang ang sarili ko na tanggap ko na. Pero hindi. Hindi ngayon.

Naging mabuti ba akong anak? Napasaya ko na ba siya? Napasalamatan ko na ba siya sa lahat ng bagay na nagawa niya, nabigay niya, nasakripisyo niya? May mga sagot na oo, pero karamihan hindi. Ordinaryo akong anak, may nagagawa akong mabuti at may masasama din. May mga pagkakataong napapatawa ko siya at maraming beses ko na siyang napaiyak.

Hiwalay ang aking mga magulang. Ako lang ang lalaki sa pamilya namin. Mahirap ang ginagampanan kong tungkulin, pero wala akong reklamo. Hindi ko ito obligasyon, ginagawa ko ang aking tungkulin kasi gusto ko. Madami na kaming napagdaanan, pero ito ang pinakamahirap. Kapag naiisip ko ang posibilidad na baka mawala ang nanay ko. Natatakot ako. Naluluha. Huwag ngayon. Huwag muna ngayon.

Gusto kong gawin lahat. Gusto kong ibigay lahat. Para sa kanya, para sa pamilya ko. Mahal ko siya. Mahal na mahal. Higit pa sa buhay ko. Nasasabi ko lang ito, kapag birthday niya, ‘pag Mother’s Day at ‘pag may hihingin ako sa kanya. Pero siguro hindi naman masama kung sasabihin ko araw-araw, baka kasi sa susunod, hindi na niya ako marining. Hindi na niya ito maramdaman.

Gusto ko lang ibahagi ang istorya ng buhay ko. Ang istorya ng buhay ng pamilya ko. Napakahalaga ng pamilya. Sana nararamdaman niyo ang nararamdaman ko. Alam ko na iba-iba anig istorya ng buhay natin. May magulo. May masaya. May malungkot.

Ayaw kong maging “preacher”, kasi wala akong karapatan. Tao lang rin ako, hindi perpekto, at nagkakamali rin. Pero sana makatulong ito sa pagmulat ng mga mata natin at mabuksan ang ating puso at damdamin, na mahalin at bigyan ng halaga ang mga taong humubog kung ano man tayo ngayon.

Lahat tayo ay binibigyan ng napakaraming pagkakataon, pagkakataong magmahal, pagkakataong sumaya at pagkakataong magpahalaga at magpasalamat.

Gamitin natin ito ng tama.

Hindi pa huli ang lahat…

Sorry (part one)

2005-08-01T19:26:00.000+08:00

Sorry. Sorry. Hindi ko 'to ginusto. Hindi ko 'to sinasadya.
Wala akong nagawa. Pinilit kong pigilan pero wala akong nagawa.
Kung darating man ang panahon na malaman mo,
Sana ay maintindihan mo.

Maraming bagay ang nangyari kaya umabot sa ganito.
Hindi ko nasabi kasi pinili kong huwag sabihin.
Hindi mo naramdaman kasi pinili kong huwag iparamdam.
Sana ay maintindihan mo.

Alam kong hindi puwede ngayon, siguro sa susunod na buhay,
masasabi ko na sa'yo. Maipaparamdam ko na sa'yo.
Kapag dumating ang pagkakataon, na tayo'y muling magkakakilala,
ipinapangako ko na hindi na ganito.

Gusto kita. Mahal na 'ata kita.
Pero hindi pwede dito, hindi pwede ngayon.
Sorry. Sorry. Hindi ko 'to ginusto. Hindi ko 'to sinasadya.
Sana ay maintindihan mo.

Kung sakali mang mabasa mo 'to, sana maramdaman mo ang
pagmamahal na itinatago ko sa'yo. Kahit man lang dito.

I love you. Sorry.

################################
Ang author ng tulang ito ay nagpapasalamat
dahil sa wakas ay nakahanap na siya ng sapat
na lakas ng loob para sabihin ang kanyang na-
raramdaman sa nag-iisang babae na kanyang
pinakamamahal. Hanggang sa mga sandaling
ito, siya ay naghihintay pa rin sa mga susunod
na kabanata ng kanyang wagas na pag-ibig...

*A repost from my old blog...

Raindrops keep fallin' in my head

2005-08-01T19:23:00.000+08:00

Haayy. The rain won't stop and im stuck here. Im feeling that i'll be sick. I didn't had enough sleep and rest and now im soaking wet. I merely had 14 hours of sleep from Friday until Monday. Last Friday, we had our usual gimik, but nothing was new, and honestly, im really getting tired of it. I came home at 3 in the morning and i woke up as early as 8 to buy my gift for my inaanak. I arrived at San Pablo around 9 pm. I watched Braveheart (again, for the nth time) and slept around 4 in the morning.

Yesterday was the christening of one of my closest friends' son and i am one of the ninongs. It was also the highest point of my much awaited weekend. Some of my close friends came, we had some booze and jamming, then we played CS. I really missed the good ol' days.

Now, im stucked here in the office waiting for the rain to stop. I want to go home.

Of laughters and tears

2005-07-29T19:56:00.000+08:00

Im still wasted until now. So much of alcohol and too much fun i guess. But i am still trying to grasp every words i wanted to say. Last night was full of laughters and tears. Every single laugh was replaced by tears. Honestly, Im not good in handling these kind of situations. I sucked. I cried. You know that. But the show must go on. There are things that are really hard to accept, even if we try not to, there's nothing we can do.

I consider her as one of the most important in my life. Despite of the fact that ive only met her a year ago, i must admit that she will be leaving a significant mark in my heart. I always told her that Im so damn lucky to have her by my side, and i should be thankful for that. God always finds a way to give you the right person to be with you in your journey called life. And he gave me one.

She became Spanky, a name identified with her ability to dance. She became Coach Cesar, derived from the movie Coach Carter directed by Cesar Montano. She became Kutchie Pedal, because of her singing prowess. She became Durds, because of her over eating abilities. And if i continue to mention all the things she became then i won't finish this in a day. But most of all, she became my listener, when everything seems so wrong, she's always there. She became my sober counterpart when I was so drunk in love and in life. She became my laughing machine, even my corniest joke, she never failed to use her unique infectious laugh. She became the A in my Q&A portion when there's nothing to do in the office. She became my Starbucks buddy, movie buddy, breakfast buddy, lunch buddy, yosi buddy, crispy isaw buddy, squidball buddy, Gourmet buddy, CS buddy, Mcdo buddy and drinking/videoke buddy. She became my friend and still a friend until now even if we're parting ways.

I know that not everyday I will find someone like you and Im taking this chance to express my deepest gratitude and appreciation for all the things that you have done. All those memories will be cherished until my last day here on earth.

All the words here are dedicated to you, Ms. Sarabeth Bides. We all make sacrifices. And i know you made one, i just hope that its worth it. I know it will. I believe in you. I believe that one day your star will shine and will be in its orbit.

Lastly, for Charm, Karl and me, no one will ever take your place in our hearts. No one. Until we meet again!

*A re-post from my previous blog! Miss na kita sarah beybeh!

Broken.

2005-07-23T14:27:00.000+08:00

Its saturday again. Time to post something. It became my weekly habit. Last night wasn't fun. Believe me it wasn't. Last night was the worst gimik night i had. There was a fight at Padi's and i can't really understand why "fights" happened, especially when you are on a bar. It was supposed to be fun. People should be civilized enough to keep their cool and not throwing bottles and chairs. The people involved in the fight are merely old as my pamangkins and should not be allowed to drink and be there. Maybe Padi's should be more strict on legal drinking age and not too focused on earning money.

The other reason why last night gimik was the worst, i let my guard down. I was doing fine until that moment happened. Now im back being bitter on all the things that transpired. Why was it always you made me feel that everything will be alright? It won't. Things won't be back the way they used to be. Let's leave it that way. It's not wrong to think for yourself, just for once. You are just a bitter pill to swallow.

Anyways, there's this song the band played weeks ago and i discovered that i have it on my PC. Yey! The title of the song is Broken by Seether and Amy Lee of Evanescence.

I wanted you to know I love the way you laugh
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain away
I keep your photograph; I know it serves me well
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain

‘cause I’m broken when I’m open
And I don’t feel like I am strong enough
‘cause I’m broken when I’m lonesome
And I don’t feel light when you’re gone away

The worst is over now and we can breathe again
I wanna hold you high, you steal my pain away
There’s so much left to learn, and no one left to fight
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain

‘cause I’m broken when I’m open
And I don’t feel like I am strong enough
‘cause I’m broken when I’m lonesome
And I don’t feel right when you’re gone away

‘cause I’m broken when I’m open
And I don’t feel like I am strong enough
‘cause I’m broken when I’m lonesome
And I don’t feel light when you’re gone away

Top three.

2005-07-18T19:35:00.000+08:00

Gabi na. Umuulan pa. Sarap matulog. Blog-hopping. Got this from superbianca's blog. Since medyo bored na ako, masagutan muna.

three names you go by:
1. ollie
2. lando
3. piolo (haha!)

three screen names you have had:
1. tee.pee
2. tokwa_at_kape
3. icebox

three physical things you like about yourself:
1. eyes
2. feet
3. shoulders

three physical things you don't like about yourself:
1. oily skin
2. beer belly (<-- lasinggero, nyahaha!)
3. face (huhu)

three parts of your heritage:
1. filipino
2. german
3. shepherd! aw aw!

three things that scare you:
1. cockroaches
2. death
3. horror movies

three of your everyday essentials:
1. lighter
2. coffee
3. yosi

three of your favorite musical artists:
1. sarah mclachlan
2. beatles
3. mayonnaise

three of your favorite songs:
1. "across the universe" by fiona apple
2. "angel" by sarah mclahclan
3. "it cant rain all the time" by jane sibbery

three things you want in a relationship:
1. honesty
2. fun
3. understands each other

three lies and truths in no particular order:

lies:
1. lovers cant be friends.
2. i am old.
3. our lives will be better with GMA!

truth:
1. life is unfair.
2. god is good.
3. friends can be lovers.

three physical things about the opposite sex that appeals to you:
1. eyes
2. feet definitely
3. shoulders

three of your favorite hobbies:
1. watching movies
2. surfing the net
3. having coffee

three things you want to do really badly now:
1. sleep
2. sleep
3. sleep

three careers you're considering/you've considered:
1. stand up comedy
2. social work
3. painting

three places you want to go on vacation:
1. south korea
2. cancun, mexico
3. ibiza, spain

three kid's names you like:
1. zaire
2. eunice
3. jillian

three things you want to do before you die:
1. have a good family.
2. go to space
3. meet kristin kreuk/song hye-kyo/elisha cuthbert or bianca araneta (para medyo possible naman) in person

three ways that you are stereotypically a boy:
1. i love adventure.
2. i play computer games a lot!
3. i smoke?

three ways that you are stereotypically a girl:
1. i cook
2. i'm tidy with my things
3. i daydream a lot about my future.

three celeb crushes:
1. kristin kreuk
2. song hye-kyo
3. diane lane

my turn to tag...

three people that i would like to see take this quiz:
1. bebet
2. leslie
3. jeanny

Recap anyone.

2005-07-16T14:50:00.000+08:00

Oh shet. As usual, saturdays are wasted days. Coming off from a gimik last night, i can't help but to stare at the ceiling of our office wishing that somehow i can sleep on a comfortable bed and be dreaming about her. Haha!

Yesterday was a mixture of fun and not so so fun. I won't tell the not so so fun part because im trying to forget everything about it. Its just a lame situation im trying to get out of these past few weeks and im pretty happy that im doing a superb job. The hell with it! Ok?

Here comes the fun part, there was this girl last night that i can't get out of my mind. (insert Kylie Minogue's Can't get you out of my head here) She's the lead vocal of the band Recap that played last night. She's very good. Damn and she's pretty too. Poor me. I just sit, watch and stare at her like a boy waiting to open his christmas gift. Somewhere between the endless beers and tokwa't baboy, i dared my dear friend Jeanny to approach her and ask her number. (I know, i admit it, a poor tactic. tsk tsk) Alas! her number. I texted her twice and after a moment of waiting and some yosi, one message received. She replied back. Yey!

Jeanny, thanks for the effort! Until the next time we party again and bust our asses on the dance floor! Sobrang kulit mo!

Oh before i forgot. Grace. Her name.

Gloria's Favorite VB Program

2005-07-06T21:46:00.000+08:00

Public Function WireTap (Byval conversation As String)
Dim cheat as String
cheat = conversation
WireTap = cheat
End Sub

Private Sub cmdCheat_Click()
Dim x as String
x = WireTap("Hello, Garci?")
print x
End Sub

Output: Hello, Garci?

Super Proxy!

2005-07-06T01:51:00.000+08:00

Haayy.. 1:52 na ng umaga, dito pa rin ako sa opis. lahat siguro ng mga opismates ko ay masarap ng nakahiga sa kanilang malambot na kama at nasa ikapitong langit na, samantalang ako ay patuloy pa rin sa pagtatrabaho. pakshet, antok na ako. gusto kong lagyan ng toothpick ang mga talukap ng aking mga mata para hindi mapapikit. pero no choice, tigil muna ako sa pag-cocode. dalawang letra lang ang memoryado ko ngayun. L&V. (Lotlot & Vonching). Haha, nag-jojoke na ako sa sarili ko. Pathetic!

Bago ako nag-type ng ipo-post ko dito, nag-check muna ako ng mail. merong ni-forward yung brod ko na isang article na talaga namang napaisip ako ng husto at napabuntong-hininga. Ikaw, pag-isipan mo din. Haaay...

Gising, Tol.

Tumatanda ka na, tol.

Nasa Friday Magic Madness na yung mga paborito mong kanta.
Nakaka-relate ka na sa Classic MTV. Lesbiana na yung kinaaaliwan mong
child star dati. Nanay na lagi ang role ng crush na crush mong matinee
idol noon.

Dati, pag may panot, sisigaw ka agad ng "PENDONG!". Ngayon, pag may
sumisigaw nun, ikaw na yung napapraning. Parang botika na ang cabinet
mo. May multivitamins, vitamin E, vitamin C, royal jelly, tsaka ginko
biloba.

Dati, laging may inuman. Sa inuman, may lech on, sisig, kaldereta,
inihaw na liempo, pusit, at kung anu-ano pa. Ngayon, nagkukumpulan na
lang kayo ng mga kasama mo sa Starbucks at oorder ng tea.

Wala na ang mga kaibigan mo noon.

Ang dating masasayang tawanan ng barkada sa canteen, napalitan na ng
walang katapusang pagrereklamo tungkol sa kumpanya ninyo. Wala na ang
best friend mo na lagi mong pinupuntahan kapag may problema ka. Ang
lagi mo na lang kausap ngayon e ang kaopisina mong hindi ka sigurado
kung binebenta ka sa iba pag nakatalikod ka. Ang hirap nang magtiwala.

Mahirap nang makahanap ng totoong kaibigan. Hindi mo kayang
pagkatiwalaan ang kasama mo araw-araw sa opisina. Kung sabagay,
nagkakilala lang kayo dahil gusto ninyong kumita ng pera at umakyat sa
tinatawag nilang "corporate ladder". Anumang pagkakaibigang umusbong
galing sa pera at ambisyon ay hindi talaga totoong pagkakaibigan. Pera
din at ambisyon ang sisira sa inyong dalawa.

Pera. Pera na ang nagpapatakbo ng buhay mo.

Alipin ka na ng Meralco, PLDT, SkyCable, Globe, Smart, at Sun. Alipin
ka ng Midnight Madness. Alipin ka ng tollgate sa expressway. Alipin ka
ng credit card mo. Alipin ka ng ATM. Alipin ka ng BIR.

Dati-rati masaya ka na sa isang platong instant pancit canton. Ngayon,
dapat may kasamang italian chicken ang fettucine alfredo mo. Masaya ka
na noon pag nakakapag-ober-da-bakod kayo para makapagswimming. Ngayon,
ayaw mong lumangoy kung hindi Boracay o Puerto Galera ang lugar. Dati,
sulit na sulit na sa yo ang gin pomelo. Ngayon, pagkatapos ng ilang
bote ng red wine, maghahanap ka ng San Mig Light o Vodka Cruiser.

Wala ka nang magawa. Sumasabay ang lifestyle mo sa income mo.
Nagtataka ka kung bakit hindi ka pa rin nakakaipon kahit tumataas ang
sweldo mo. Yung mga bagay na gusto mong bilhin dati na sinasabi mong
hindi mo kailangan, abot-kamay mo na. Pero kahit nasa iyo na ang mga
gusto mong bilhin, hindi ka pa rin makuntento.

Saan ka ba papunta?

Tol, gumising ka. Hindi ka nabuhay sa mundong ito para maging isa lang
sa mga baterya ng mga machines sa Matrix. Hanapin mo ang dahilan kung
bakit nilagay ka rito. Kung ang buhay mo ngayon ay uulit-ulit lang
hanggang maging singkwenta anyos ka na, magsisisi ka. Lumingon ka kung
paano ka nagsimula, isipin ang mga tao at mga bagay na nagpasaya sa
yo. Balikan mo sila.

Ikaw ang nagbago, hindi ang mundo.

*Tama nga, tayo ang nagbabago, hindi ang mundo nating ginagalawan. Lagi tayong may choice. Kung ano man ang pipiliin natin at kung san man tayo nito dadalhin, tayo lang ang makakaalam.

Random!

2005-07-01T20:41:00.000+08:00

"Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life...You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like 'maybe we should be just friends' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love." --- neil gaiman